koffl next back Author : Jan B. Hurych
Title : PARALLAXES
Essay: CZECH-IT-OUT! (2)



Czech-it-out!

While living in English speaking environment, you canīt help noticing that people around you make all kinds of jokes directed towards other nationalities. Yes, I am talking about those innocent anecdotes, called ethnic jokes. Poles, Germans, Mexicans and even Newfies (Canadians from New Foundland) are frequently treated by jest, and sometimes the humor is not all that funny, if you don't know specifics. Because - believe it or not - those are mostly inside jokes and they may often need an explanation.

There are not that many jokes about Czechs, but then again, there is not too many Czechs around here either. To compensate for the lack of jokes, people use the variations of the word "Czech", or rather of two words, which sound the same: check and cheque (which I am told is the way they spell it in even in England).

But first, let me explain the historical background of the word Czech:
  1. It is the name of the legendary leader, named Czech, who brought Czech tribe into Central Europe
  2. It could also mean Czech tribe, which later became Czech nation
  3. Of course, each member of the Czech nation is also of Czech nationality, in short he is called the Czech
  4. And wouldn't you believe it, their language is also called Czech language, in short "Czech"
You have to admire how great all that is: one name for everything. On the o ther hand,it shows certain lack of imagination, too, but let me tell you this: Czechs are very practical people and they like all things to be rather simple.

Now let's return back to their history: as their tribe moved in the place, which is now called Czech Republic (what a coincidence!) they faced one big problem: somebody was already there. The records do not show how many of local inhabitants (mainly Celts: Bohemi, Markomani and Quadi), were pushed out and how many of them had to assimilate. The fact is that there are some traces of old Gaelic in Czech language even today. And not only in their language: their DNA's show even some particular Celtic stream. Considering there was no fighting between them, they worked it out rather nicely. You can even come up with the first joke: "asimilovat" ( that's "assimilate" in Czech) sounds same as "asi milovat" ( = "to be probably in love" in Czech).

Come to think of it, the ethnic jokes are rather mild revenge on Czechs, considering they took the best place, right in the center of Europe - or so they thought. They suffered much worse things than just jokes: all their neighbors wanted that place too. For instance, the Thirty years war started in Prague, engaged almost all Europe and finally ended in Prague again.

Having also a good sense of humor, Czechs take those ethnic jokes with a mild amusement. There is quite a number of jokes - you can imagine resourceful people of North America (I never heard those jokes in England!) came with all kinds of double - and sometimes even funny - meanings : As I said, I haven't seen any Czech to be really offended by it, but then again: they don't get mad, they get even. Well, almost, like in my case . . .

Long time ago, I joined one Canadian company, famous by excessive training of their new employees. It did not matter that some of us were real veterans of industry with tons of experience of our own - Canadian experience included - the show simply had to go on. Training lasted several weeks and every day, we had tests - very silly tests, to be quite honest.. And one day, I just had enough of it. When our mentor (or should I say tor-mentor?) announced another test, I just stood up and headed for the door.

"Where do you think you are going?" he asked with the voice of sergeant major.
"What do you mean: ' Where do you think you are going?' ," I repeated his words, faking surprise.
"I mean exactly that," he said, "Where do you think you are going?"
"I am going out," I explained.
"And who allowed you to leave?" he demanded.
"You did," I replied with utmost patience and kept on moving.

"Stop right there!" he shouted. "What do you mean 'You did' ?"
The class had a time of their life. And I kept on clowning: "Not only you allowed me to go, you actually ordered me to leave."
"I did not!" he disagreed.
"You did so," I tried to convince him, with quite opposite result.
He screamed on the top of his lungs: "I did not!"
"But you did so and everybody in the classroom heard it too."
He had no answer to such impertinence and stood there, apparently puzzled by that mystery. I realized that it was just about as much as he could take and hurried up with explanation: "You came in the classroom and said: "Check-out!". Well, I am the only Czech in this classroom and since I hate violence, especially when I am on the receiving end - "

The whole class roared with laugh. I guess he didn't want to look silly, because he actually started to laugh too. When others finally stopped rejoicing, he paused and laughed again. "It won't work, Jan," he said with a broad smile on his face. "He who laughs last laughs best. And it won't be you. Come back here and sit down. I tell you what I'll do: if you are in such a hurry, you can finish the test in half a time. I will personally clock you. Agreed?"

Needless to say, that was not a multiple choice question - I had no choice. I guess some people just cannot take a joke, thatīs all. What bothers me however is that "he who laughs last ..." is the famous Czech proverb. How did he get hold of it?