Author :
Jan B. Hurych
Title :
THE OLD COACH ROAD (11)
THE POETRY IN PROSE
She had such a difficult name, too difficult to put in rhymes: Elizabeth. Don't misunderstand me - not that it couldn't be rhymed with anything, it just didn't come out right, it was either funny or offensive, that's all.
Like : Betty - jetty - petty - sweaty, and if that is not enough, try "spaghetti". So I wrote her a poem in prose instead.
"But where are the rhymes?" she asked. "I do not see any!"
I had to admit that much, there was no way to hide it.
I also explained to her that I just could not find proper rhymes and since she wouldn't be willing to change her name, the verses in prose was the only solution.
"There are verses without rhymes, you know, the poetry written the new, innovative way," I said.
She thought about it for a while and finally asked: "But it is still the poetry, I hope?"
THE FLORIST GIRL.
I was buying flowers for my wife - using my credit card, of course. The girl florist smiled and said: "Sign it here, please. And may I have your telephone number?"
Gladly, I wrote it down, but could not help a comment: " But call me after nine o'clock, when my wife is not at home."
People in her store laughed - luckily for me, because without them, she probably wouldn't have guessed I was only joking. And may be that's the reason she never called me . . .
MY FAMOUS SUSPENDERS.
There was a visit by TV crew in our company, but I hardly noticed them - I never do. Later, people told me they saw me on TV. Actually not me - I was standing with my back to the camera - but they all recognized my famous - and I dare to say, original - suspenders.
All people saw me, all except me. Nobody knew it was me, but they all recognized my suspenders, so they correctly judged it was me. I was on TV and I haven't even seen myself -
or rather my suspenders, to be accurate. It was so frustrating: all they ever saw and talked about were my suspenders.
Come to think of it, they would never get on TV without me - their owner! I decided to give my suspenders a lesson: I am going to put them in the closet and not to wear them any more.
WE ARE NOT AT HOME.
We bought an automatic answering machine for our telephone. Well, don't try to ask it anything, it is really not answering any questions, it only repeats the taped message. The facts like "We are not at home, but if you wish", etc., etc.
I decided I should tape the most original message of them all. And here it is: "Dear friends, if you want to talk to me, let me assure you that you have got the right number, but in wrong time. Please call me again, preferably when I am at home. Thank you for calling."
Believe me, it is a great thing, this modern convenience called answering machine. Without it, people wouldn't even know that I am not at home :-).
ANNETTE.
She introduced herself as Anette. "My family name is not important," she said, "I am going to change it pretty soon, anyway."
"I understand, " I said, "you are going to get married."
"Oh no, no, "she explained, "I am going to get divorced."